He had rounds the next two nights, leading to not just Friday night but a Hogsmeade weekend. He was shocked then when there was a knock on his office door and Hermione came in when he bade the visitor to enter.

"Miss Granger. Surely you have better things to do with your Friday night."

"Better than learning from you, Sir?"

"Is that what you're here for?"

"Knowledge, yes," she replied.

He set his elbows on his desk, steepling his fingers under his chin as he regarded her. Her eyes flicked to the doors behind him, one leading to his private lab and one to his quarters.

"No one else sees them, do they?"

"No," he said simply.

"Why can I?"

"That's really what you want to know?"

"I want to know a lot of things, Sir."

He nodded a bit.

"Do you have a coat?"

"A coat, Sir?"

"Yes, did you bring your coat with you?"

"No," she said with a frown.

"Go get it and meet me at the main entrance in say fifteen minutes?"

"Okay," she said, clearly confused by his request.

"We're going to be outside for a while, Miss Granger, so dress accordingly."

"Oh! Yes, Sir," she said, rushing out without questioning why he would be taking her outdoors in December at night. He liked that she didn't ask or seem to doubt him or his intentions.

He grabbed his outerwear to prepare for being outside in the chilled December air from his quarters and made his way to the main entrance. It was closer to twenty minutes when she met him.

"Sorry, Ron wasn't sure why you were taking me outside. I told him we were looking for animal excrement for a potion we are working on that works better when it's frozen."

He arched a brow at that.

"He'll never ask again if he thinks I'm scrounging around looking for bat poop."

He stifled a chuckle, barely. He allowed her to leave first, leading them away from the school.

"As you discovered, we share a connection. The memories I returned to you are admittedly my attempt to earn your trust."

"I'm sorry?"

He held up a hand to silence her. "Let me finish, please."

"All right, Sir."

"If you noticed in those memories, when I saw you in the hospital as a newborn on up through last year I'm the same age as I am now."

He paused to look at her. She scrunched her nose, clearly thinking. Evidently she hadn't noticed that.

Interesting.

She nodded then.

"The visits only took place recently then," she murmured.

She opened her mouth to speak and he shook his head.

"I don't think I'm a selfish man, Miss Granger. I've willingly put myself in harm's way by leading the life of a double agent for the Order. It's my penance for a mistake I made years ago, and I've never asked for, or really even wanted, anything in return for my service."

She peered at him, nodding a bit.

"This summer Professor Dumbledore asked me to do something," he shrugged, the casual gesture in direct conflict with his feelings on having to carry out the request. "I thought of him as a friend, you see, and I realized when he asked this thing of me that I don't think he sees me in the same light. I'm a tool, a means to an end to win the war no matter the cost, and nothing else. Perhaps he thinks fondly of me, but no more than he would his scepter or a lemon drop."

"Sir?"

"I'm not a good man, Miss Granger. I've made mistakes. Many of them."

"I'm aware."

"Not all of it."

"No," she replied cautiously.

"I decided after your injury and discovering our ... connection ... that I wanted something good for lack of a better word out of this life. I want someone who will trust me even in the face of darkness, trust that I'm with the Order. One person to believe in me."

"All of the time turners were destroyed."

He chuckled softly, of course she was still focused on the time turner portion of it all.

"That's assuming they know about all of them. You're a clever woman, Miss Granger."

"And you're a clever man," she said, seeming to catch on.

He'd purposely said woman not witch. While she was indeed a clever witch, she was clever no matter which world she was in.

"You made one."

"I did."

"And it works?"

"Obviously. You have the memories to prove it. I didn't know anything about you seventeen years ago."

"Of course not," she said and he detected no sarcasm in her voice.

"So, my reasons are selfish. I'm hoping that our connection as you call it will override doubts you may be led to have."

"What is the connection?"

He stopped walking, ensuring they were far away from prying eyes before removing the glove from his left hand and prompting her to do the same.

"I am the only one your finger, the mark in actuality, will react to in this fashion. Likewise for you with me."

"What does that mean?"

"Upon birth, we were marked for one another."

"Come on," she said with a shake of her head.

"You believe in magic but question soul marks?"

"I've never heard of it."

"They're very rare. Well, I guess I shouldn't say the marks themselves are rare, the two people finding one another is the rare part."

"So, we're what?"

"Soulmates, but more than that we were marked for one another. Some might argue that one could have more than one soulmate, say if a spouse dies and the remaining one chooses another. The possibility of their souls recognizing one another is not out of the realm of possibility. One could argue, too, that there could exist platonic soulmates, friends that complete one another on a non-romantic level. However, for us, no one else will have this mark that ours would respond to. I do not know specifically what it means, but the Fates have marked us exclusively for one another. Only if we accept the bond. If we do not you can go on and marry and live a happy life I believe."

"I could? You believe?"

"You could. Many do. I'm sure we're not the only ones with marks, but I haven't been able to find the last documented case of true soul marked mates finding one another. I haven't looked extensively, mind you as I have duties that I must attend to but it's not common knowledge. I'd say it's been at least two hundred years."

"What does it mean?"

"Well, stories say that if a couple were to accept the bond their magic would be enhanced. My strengths would boost any weaknesses you may have. We do already get some benefit just by being in the same proximity. If I was say in Paris right now, though, neither of us would have that advantage. I believe there are some healing properties, that my magic recognizes you and so would help heal you. And vice versa. I believe that is what we both felt that night in my quarters. There is a mental connection as well."

"Even more than the occlumency?"

"Even more," he said.

"But just with you."

"Correct. Miss Granger, Hermione," he said. "I have no interest in trying to convince you to accept our soul bond. In truth, I don't anticipate making it beyond the Dark Lord's, hopeful, defeat. I've done some very questionable things, binding you to me is not one I want to take with me to the grave."

"Why visit me then?"

He sighed heavily. He used his wand to clear off a bench they'd come upon while walking. He cast a warming charm on it so the stone wouldn't be cold beneath them.

And he told her.

Everything.

From his first horrid memory as a child to the present.

He'd never told anyone everything before. Albus and Tom both got select bits of information. He was certainly more forthcoming with Albus but he never admitted to the older wizard how much his actions when Severus had been a student had harmed him. Forget physically. Mentally they'd crushed him and driven him right into Tom's waiting arms. There were times Severus wondered if that was Albus' intent all along. If he somehow knew. He wouldn't put it past the older wizard.

She, for once, listened without interruption while he relayed the series of events that led up to the here and now. He left nothing out, good or bad. Much more bad than good, and while he wasn't explicit with details he was honest.

"Do you still love her?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose, gazing out at the lake. He shook his head with a heavy sigh.

"I'll always have a fondness for her, but it wasn't love. Not the type that Molly and Arthur have or even Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy. And, truthfully, I knew she wasn't mine so while it hurt, I think it hurt more that she chose Potter and his cronies. The people who made it their life's work to torment me at every turn. They were so cruel, Hermione, for no reason really. She was upset about my interest in the Dark Arts, but looked past their bullying behavior."

She reached for his hand then, squeezing it. He accepted the gesture but did not return the squeeze with one of his own. Tempting as it was, it wouldn't have been right to.

"I can imagine that must have hurt." Her words were soft but he could feel the sincerity in them. There was no pity or disdain. It was unexpectedly refreshing.

"If she'd only accepted my apology."

"Maybe she would have with time, and, God, Professor, we live in a castle full of ghosts. She certainly must see what you've done the past eighteen years to help protect Harry. If she hadn't forgiven you before she died, she certainly has by now. Any mother would."

"You speak from your vast mothering experience?"

"I'm a woman. I know how I'd feel if someone essentially gave up their life to protect the child I could no longer take care of despite my being a bitch to him. So, yes, I'd forgive them. She was a Gryffindor, too, so yes, I believe she would, too."

He turned to face her. He searched her face for any clue that she was going to run off and obliviate herself from remembering this conversation. He saw no disgust there.

"Why do you believe me?"

"You just bore your soul to me, Sir," she whispered.

"Severus," he said softly.

"Severus," she said and paused as if contemplating the sound of it. He was, too, for that matter. It sounded intriguing the way she said it.

"You wouldn't have shared it all with me if you had some nefarious purpose in an attempt to deceive me. Some, maybe, but not all."

"One might say you're entirely too naive, Hermione."

He realized she still held his hand. He couldn't recall a time anyone had ever held his hand. Lily had he supposed when they were young, before Hogwarts. He wasn't very touchy even as a boy, though, because he hadn't grown up with it. In fact, showing he wanted such attention would result in the kind of touches that left bruises.

"What do you want from me, Severus?"

He shrugged, glancing at their joined hands.

"I want you when things are said about me to find strength in those memories I've shared with you and know those things they're saying are not true."

"You want me to defend you?"

He scoffed. "I'm beyond defense. I just want to know someone knows the truth. All of it."

"And yet you won't tell me what Professor Dumbledore has asked you to do."

"I cannot. We've come too far, and he's right, when it comes to pass it will ensure the Dark Lord believes I am his. I hate it, I have nightmares about it, but he's right."

She sighed softly, squeezing his hand again.

"Will you still come watch the movie with me over the holidays?"

"If you still wish it."

"I do," she admitted, glancing up a bit to meet his eyes. "I think popcorn and maybe some hot chocolate with you would be perfect."

"All right," he said, nodding simply. "And Mr. Weasley?"

She snorted.

"I'll just tell him we didn't find any. That there was too much fresh snow."

"Does Harry know?" she asked after they stood from the bench.

"About my being friends with his mother? No. I think he caught glimpses of my distaste at who his father was."

"Ah," she said with a slight nod. "I'm sorry, by the way."

"For what?"

What could she possibly have to apologize for? She'd just heard his story, all of it, and hadn't run from him.

"I took for granted growing up that everyone's upbringing was like mine. Loving parents who would do anything for me. You and Harry, you have more in common than you think. He was treated horribly by his aunt."

"Petunia," he sneered.

"I'll hex her if I ever get the chance."

"Now, now, Miss Granger."

"We're back to formality?"

"We should be heading back in."

"All right," she said, taking her hand away from his. He missed the contact immediately. The warmth, yes, but more the intimacy of the caring gesture. "I'm sorry you didn't have that, too."

"As am I, and yet, it's made me who I am."

"You were so young, Sir," she said after a short while of silence while they returned to the castle. "I don't know what the future holds, but please don't think that you deserve to die for things you did years ago."

"And those crime novels you like to read. You'd tell those murderers the same thing?"

"It's a different world. We're talking about magic. I wasn't here, my parents weren't a part of it either so I can't speak of it, but I can hear it in your voice that you're remorseful."

"The thing is if it hadn't been Lily I don't know if I would've had the change of heart I did."

He'd realized along the way that what the Dark Lord was selling in reality was not what Severus Snape wanted, but of course by then it was too late for buyer's remorse. He'd often wondered, though, if Lily's life hadn't been in danger would he have tried to leave? He wanted to think he would have, eventually, but he wasn't sure he was strong enough to without that incentive.

She brushed up against him, squeezing his hand again quickly before letting go as if realizing there was the possibility of their being seen this close to the castle.

"I do, Sir," she said. "You could have let Remus kill us, but you didn't. Oath to protect students or not, you could have tried not that hard and said oh well."

He had nothing to say to that. She was right. It would've been relatively easy to feign a heroic attempt against a werewolf. Except the fact that it would have been Harry Potter and his friends. That would have been suspicious.

That and the fact evidently they needed Harry to defeat the Dark Lord.

So suspicious and most inconvenient.

She stared at her left hand for a moment he noticed.

"Did you ever stop to think that it's all part of the plan? Me being born with this mark that belongs to yours when I was? They gave you yours before my parents had even met, but obviously they knew."

"I didn't know."

"Maybe not consciously. You're a powerful wizard. You see things I know others don't."

"I was barely twenty."

"From the stories I've heard you were powerful when you arrived at Hogwarts."

She wasn't wrong. He opened the door for her when they got to the main door.

"Good night, Miss Granger," he said. "I apologize for wasting your time with our less than productive specimen collecting this evening."

"It's all right, the fresh air was welcome, Professor. Good night," she said. "Sleep well." She made her way in the opposite direction he was going. He stood there for a moment, wondering when the last time someone had told him to sleep well was.

"Did you have fun collecting shit with the git," Ron said when she walked into the common room.

"That's not even remotely funny, Ronald," she said.

He rolled his eyes.

"You know, when you choose to go collect excrement in December instead of being here with us."

"It was a rare opportunity!"

"Did you find any?" Harry asked.

"No," she said with a shake of her head. "Too much new snow or something the professor said."

Harry nodded as if he believed her. Of course he would, he had no reason to think she'd lie to him.

"I was wondering if I could borrow your invisibility cloak."

"Why?" he asked. "I mean, sure, but why?"

"I want to get into the Restricted Section tonight."

"Sure," he said, leaving presumably to get it.

"What's in there?"

"Just research," she said with a shrug.

"You take things way too seriously."

"And you don't take things seriously enough," she quipped. "I'm not going to apologize for caring about my future."

He rolled his eyes.

Didn't he get it? She didn't want to get somewhere in life because she was friends with Harry. Of course, he was from a pureblood family himself so he probably didn't get it in many ways.

Harry returned with his cloak.

"Be careful."

"Thank you," she said, shoving it in her bag before making her way to the library. She was sure Professor Snape … Severus, had looked through the Restricted Section already, but she was going to, too.

There had to be more on soul marks and what the bond meant.

It was hard to imagine that from birth - before? - he'd been chosen for her. So, he'd lived for almost forty years with his, probably disappointed when he realized that Lily wasn't his soulmate.

He spoke of not accepting their bond. Did he not want her because of who she was? Was she unsatisfactory somehow? She didn't think so. She didn't spend hours on her appearance, but she'd seen the looks the night of the Yule Ball to know that she cleaned up well enough. She was smart. She was a good person and knew how to act in most any situation.

He said it was because he didn't plan on surviving. Yet, surely if he knew that there was the potential for a future, a happy one, that would be an incentive. Wouldn't it? He claimed he didn't want to bond her to him, but maybe it was the other way around.

And why did she care?

He'd said she could marry someone else and still lead a happy and productive life. So evidently this soul mark thing wasn't dire, all-hope-is-lost if you don't find the one. It had to be true if there were no documented cases of it in centuries. Still, she was curious to see what she could find out herself.

Story ©Susan Matthews/APCKRFAN/PhantomRoses.com