Severus stared at the ceiling after she left.

She was coming back.

She wanted to return

Had that really happened? Had he really seen and spoken to Lily? And elected to return here?

He looked around his bedroom, wondering what a witch like Hermione could possibly even see in him. He wasn't poor or destitute as his father had been, but he had done nothing to live beyond what was required to survive.

For twenty years that was all he'd done.

Survive.

Everything about his existence screamed that was all he'd done. He wasn't even sure he could call what he'd been doing existing.

Lily was right.

He hadn't lived.

Not truly.

For over ten years there'd been no Dark Lord. He had summers free to travel and do things. He had nothing to show for that time of freedom. Nothing to speak of or brag about having done. Other than potions he'd created and patented.

He'd gone through the motions, but he'd kept his feelings occluded so thoroughly, he himself felt little to nothing. Was that why he hadn't realized he didn't love Lily any longer? Occluding so severely, he had no time to analyze and sort through those feelings.

He'd had to. There was no way he could have survived the horrors done to him or those he'd witnessed. Witnessing the life leave someone's eyes was not pleasant or fun. If he hadn't occluded he would have been caught. Someone would have noticed him react, at least differently from them.

The one time he'd had to drop his shields was to kill Albus. He'd had to, because the intent had to be behind the curse. He was so bloody angry at the old man for making him do it. There were other death eaters there, not Draco who could have done it. No, no, it had to be him. He had to prove to the Dark Lord once and for all he was his most loyal follower.

He hadn't expected a ticker tape parade down Diagon Alley in his honour for anything he'd done in an attempt to right his wrongs. He hadn't expected to be thrown away like a piece of rubbish when the headmaster was done with him.

And he'd known with Albus out of the picture, that was exactly what was going to happen. He would be persona non grata amongst those of the Order. He had a role to play, though. Anyone who thought acting as headmaster for the one year he had was a cushy job away from Riddle's worst was fooling themselves.

He stood slowly from the bed. Her familiar let out an annoyed sounding meow. He hadn't imagined him being here before her then. He regarded the feline. He'd been a balm many times over the years. He wasn't sure why. He set his fingers over the cat's ears, scratching in a way he knew he liked. The cat gave a purr, which made Severus shake his head.

"Did you come to assure she made it in time then?" This was asked accompanied by a pet to his neck under his cheek and mouth.

She'd cleaned up, but he knew bringing him back hadn't been pretty. He'd seen enough people in various stages of the end of life to know what happened. He was … embarrassed she saw him in such a state.

And yet she was returning.

He made his way to the bathroom to relieve himself and take a quick shower. He should probably wait for her, but if he died tripping in the tub after deciding he wanted to live.

Well, then, that was just his luck.

Refreshed and dressed, he retrieved his cane and made his way downstairs. From there, he found the kitchen and shook his head. He grabbed his wand, something he wouldn't ordinarily require the assistance of, but he was not at full strength. After a few minutes, all of the remnants of his destruction were in the rubbish bin where they belonged. Most of the dishes and glassware had been here since he was a child. He did feel more than a little remorseful that the things she'd bought were destroyed as well.

No remorse was felt over the things of his mum and dad's that had been destroyed. He had no fond memories associated with any of them to feel nostalgic.

Still.

It was time for him to make this his house. His home. He knew he should contemplate purchasing a different home.

Baby steps.

First he had to learn how to live. How to do so in a post-war world. He wasn't even sure he knew who Severus Snape was. He'd, until now, been whoever he'd needed to be.

She appeared a short while later when he was ensuring there were no glass or ceramic shards anywhere.

"You should be resting."

"I just threw it all away."

"Oh, but…"

"I was thinking you could take me shopping tomorrow."

"Oh, sure," she said, clearly surprised. She didn't appear to object to the idea. There was no censure in her reaction.

"You don't mind?" He had to be sure.

"Not at all. There are easier ways of getting new dishes."

She was teasing him. Clearly. That was a good sign, though. She wasn't going to harp on what he'd done or why he'd done it. She knew why. He shook his head with a low huff.

"I have never been one to take the easy route."

"No, I suppose you haven't been. Are we talking muggle?"

He thought about her question, and his answer. He could just imagine if he showed up randomly in any magical area, Diagon Alley or not. That wasn't what he wanted. It was enough he wanted to … venture away from his home. More than she'd made him with their walks the past few months.

"Please. I am not ready to venture into the magical world yet."

"I understand. I wasn't implying that you should, merely ensuring we were on the same page. Muggle shopping is fine, Severus, truly."

She was regarding him. He could tell she wanted to … ask questions, but was refraining. He appreciated that. Greatly. He wasn't sure he could do this if she bombarded him with questions immediately. She seemed to sense that was not the path to take. He appreciated that.

"I am not ready to talk yet, but when I am you'll be the first to know. I may not talk to you, but I will let you know that I am ready to go that route."

"Did I ask?"

"You did not need to. I can practically feel the curiosity radiating off of you, Hermione."

"That's just how I normally am."

"I know." He did know. It was one of the things that both fascinated and frustrated him about her. How did she survive displaying her thoughts so clearly? Were others just inattentive so didn't notice? He had no idea.

"I'm glad I'm still Hermione."

"You were worried?"

"I was. What I said was…"

He shrugged, regarding her. She had overstepped her position greatly.

As his healer.

She'd been right, though, they had become more than that over the course of the past few months. He'd never had a true friend before.

He didn't count Lucius.

He hadn't even known that was what they were until Lily pointed it out earlier.

"Necessary. Honestly, I like to think if I had any friends, true ones, they would have said what you did about eighteen years ago. I will not deny it was difficult to hear. I know that your intent wasn't to wound, but to attempt to heal. So we are good. Yes?"

She was surprised. He was, too. In the past he would have pushed her away. Now, though. What if Lily was right? What if he did love this witch? He had been so closed off that he hadn't allowed himself to feel anything to know. For that matter, he truly wasn't sure he knew what love was.

He did know that he'd like to find out. Lily had been right. Albus spoke its virtues endlessly over the years. Severus was curious. It was the one thing he could not brew or do a spell to replicate. Not truly.

"We are. How are you feeling after the exertion?"

"Showering is an exertion?"

"Considering the state I found you in."

He nodded with a slight grimace. One day he would not be bothered that she'd seen him in that state. Maybe.

"I am okay. I'm not going to be doing any calisthenics, but I will survive. Thanks to you. Again."

"I'm glad. You would have been missed."

"Words I never thought I'd hear said about me in my lifetime."

"I know I'm not the only one who would miss you, Severus."

"Perhaps so, no one else has ever said it."

"So, we have no plates to eat off. Ideas? Other than acting like barbarians and eating with our hands off the floor."

"Mm. Grab some menus and join me in the living room. We can figure it out. I think anything spicy is out of the question."

"Right," she said.

Was that a blush? It was hard to tell, but it looked as if it was. Had he ever made a witch blush before? He was almost positive he had not, at least not out of anything but anger or embarrassment in a bad way.

Did she truly have feelings for him? Could that even be possible? And then his mind went to, if she did. Why? She could have her pick of any wizard in the world. Why would she settle for scarred, bitter, and jaded Severus Snape who was, when it got down to it, old enough to be her father?

He looked again at the crystal snake in his kitchen window, and thought of the other things she'd done throughout his home. Yes, they could have been for her own benefit, but all of these things she'd added had been done in a way he could enjoy them, too.

He just hadn't noticed.

She didn't live here after all.

He went to the living room then, taking a seat on the couch. He watched as she flipped through the menus. He grabbed the remote after a minute as she clearly was deciding which options would be suitable for him to eat tonight and which wouldn't.

He'd never in his life spent so much time watching television as he had the past few months. When he was a child he'd stayed in his room just to keep out of his father's way. He vaguely recalled watching some shows with his mum after school when his dad still had a job. That had changed when he was pretty young, though.

"I didn't watch much TV until recently," he said softly.

"No?" she asked.

She sounded … casual with her one word response made to sound like a question, but he could hear the hesitation in her voice with just that one word. As if she wasn't sure he'd continue the thought. As if she wasn't sure he'd expected her to respond. Did he want to continue the thought? Peppering her with … anecdotes and facts was giving her ammunition. Things she could use against him later.

And yet she said she'd taken this job because she didn't like the fact others had to gossip about him. That didn't suggest someone who was going to learn things and spout them to others.

"No," he said.

He ran his fingers along the edge of the remote. Did he want to continue the thought? Cross that … line. Her feline brushing against his leg encouraged him to push forward.

"I avoided being in the common areas as much as possible. After I … took over possession of the house. I never really thought of it as my house. It was still my dad's house."

"And you kept to the same patterns," she said.

"Yes," he said with a small hiss accentuating the s.

"Understandable, Severus. It must have been difficult to break yourself of those habits."

"I think I'd like to get a new one."

"A house?"

He scoffed. "Eventually that, yes. More immediately, though, I was referring to the television."

"Oh," she said, regarding the TV. She frowned a bit at that.

"It's older than you."

"That old, huh?"

He scoffed again, finding it amusing not insulting.

"Why are you here, Hermione?"

"I can't leave you alone…"

"No, why did you come back?"

"I felt bad. I thought we were forming a friendship, you know? You made me angry, and I said things I shouldn't have said. I had no right to say those things to you. Harry's used to me speaking my mind. You aren't."

"I overreacted," he said. That was an understatement. Thankfully, she did not call him on it. "And you had some valid points in your tangent. I meant what I said upstairs. You're right, I have the potions know-how and the first-hand knowledge of the effects of the cruciatus to call upon where I could perhaps come up with something. I don't know that I can help the Longbottoms particularly. Or your parents."

"I'd like to see you try."

"You were also right in that I should take advantage of this new lease on life I have. I never expected to see forty once Tom returned."

"I'm glad you were wrong."

"I am not yet, but I would like to try to get there."

She reached then, setting her hand over his wrist. She squeezed it gently. "That's all you can do."

"I know. And, well, if it prevents you from doing something foolish like moving to France."

"Mm, is that your goal then?"

"To keep you for myself? Yes, Artur can find another witch."

She let go then. "So, what are we going to watch?"

No comment? No derision? No laughter? There was, though, that blush again.

Interesting.

"You pick," he said, handing the remote to her. "And when we're shopping for the kitchen tomorrow maybe you can take me somewhere that sells TVs, too."

"We can do that."

"Excellent."

"And, Severus," she said.

"Yes?"

"What happened here today. I won't ever tell."

"I know," he said. "I appreciate you saying so, but I know."

"I'm glad that you knew that."

"Did you decide what you want to order?"

"Not yet," she said.

"Well, when you decide."

"Thanks," she said. "You choose the show while I decide then. I really don't care what we watch."

She never had. It was one of the things that had been enjoyable about their evenings together. Old movies? Old tv shows? New tv shows? She didn't care. He had no new movies to show her, as he hadn't done any … entertaining here for many years. The fact he'd bought a VCR at all was shocking to him now twenty years later.

"If you happen upon copies of that X-Files show you mentioned…"

"I'll look for it."

She'd know what it meant that he was committing to watch a lengthy television series. He made no guarantees, she wouldn't ask him for one, but he was planning on being here to watch it with her.

Story ©Susan Falk/APCKRFAN/PhantomRoses.com