Buffy couldn't believe it, couldn't believe what she was doing. Yet she kept walking step for step with Angel without his soul toward the mansion. For all she knew it was a ploy to get her to let her guard down. They had told Xander and Spike they were going to the high school. That didn't make sense, because the mansion would be one of the first places they'd look for her. Creatures of habit that they were and everything.

She had been so excited to see him sitting on the steps in front of her house. The elation had quickly become confusion the more he talked. Even the way he was acting. She and Angel hadn't had a touchy feely relationship since he left Sunnydale. At least she thought they hadn't. So, it threw her when he was all with the kissing and wanting to be alone with her. What had sealed it was his dig at Xander's expense. His loss of an eye was a sore spot with Buffy as it was.

So, what was she doing then? Hadn't she moved past this? Him? And he didn't have his soul. What was to stop him from leaving a trail of death and destruction in his wake for her to deal with once he was souled again. And she had to agree with him, sooner or later someone would get smart and do it.

"You're awful quiet, Buff."

"I'm trying to talk myself out of this."

"Now why would you want to do that?"

"Because it's wrong."

"Haven't you learned by now that being wrong can be very, very good?"

"Giles will kill me."

"Ah, yes, I imagine your watcher might have a bit of an issue with you fucking the vampire that tortured him and got him to give up the goods on how to set Acathla free."

"That would be the top reason, but there are others."

"You're entitled to a life."

"Not so much with the having a relationship with the evil undead things I kill."

"We're not talking dinner and a show here, Buff."

"What does it matter? You're asking me to stay with you, in bed with you, until you get your soul back." She lifted her hands over her head, frustrated. "And that's the dumbest part of this. I've just started moving on. I'm over and done being depressed Buffy that I was after they brought me back. I was just hitting my stride with Spike, thinking this could really go somewhere. Be it."

"Never."

"But you're going to get the soul back and I don't care what you say, with the soul you're going to want to leave me again."

"There are no Powers That Be this time, Buff. There is no turn back time option. Once I've had you, been in you again, I'm not going to want to leave."

"So then we what? Go from having sex like maniacs to cuddling on the couch again?"

"Are you saying that's not enough? That if you could have me forever like we talked about you'd give it up for sex?"

She closed her eyes, shaking her head. "No, no I wouldn't."

"It hurts to say that, doesn't it?"

"Yes, because I wanted to be over it. Over you. Over the whole my boyfriend will turn into a murdering fiend if something goes too right. But I don't want to hurt Spike."

"You don't think he knows you'd rather be with me? That he's just sloppy seconds to who really has your heart?"

"I think he thought that last year, but now, no. We're friends. I can't explain it."

The mansion and the cemetery beyond it loomed large. It was do or die time for her. If she went with this, did this, she was opening herself up to a world of hurt. Willingly. But God he was right, she wanted to remember. It was so unfair he had taken away her memories of that day. She wanted to remember sex with Angel that didn't involve being crushed by him afterward. "How do I know you won't hurt me?"

"You can take whatever I dish out, Slayer."

"That's not what I meant. The first time, you said things to me."

"Oh come on. I hated you, hated what you made me feel anyway. I said those things on purpose. I wanted to hurt you because if you hated me then I wouldn't be tempted."

"Tempted?"

"Tempted to throw my freedom to the wind and stay with you."

"You thought of doing that?"

"No."

"Thanks. Thanks a lot."

"Hello? Soulless, evil, what did you expect?"

"I don't know, but how do I know you're not going to do that again."

"This is different."

"How so?"

"You know who you're dealing with. You want me, soul or not. And you're my mate."

"You said that before. What is that?"

"It's not common for a vampire to have a human mate. In fact, I'd say it's never been done. Until us. It's a bonding. You're mine. I don't know how to describe it."

"Bonding? But I didn't take your blood. And you weren't willing."

"I know, but still. The mark is there. Spike shouldn't have touched you."

"Well, he knew you were gone and most likely not coming back. Was Dru his mate?"

"If she was capable of taking one, but no she never was. It was probably my fault, I damaged her too severely before I brought her over."

"And Darla?"

He shrugged. "She was a whore before she was turned, dying of syphilis. I don't think she had it in her to be tied down to anyone."

"It's permanent?"

"Yes."

"What does it do?"

"Nothing really. It's a symbol, like human wedding rings. Not the same but similar. Hands off. And of course, there's the sharing of blood. A connection like you and I have would be stronger."

"We don't have it anymore."

"Because I worked at severing it. I didn't want to star in your dreams anymore. I didn't want to know you'd moved on. And I certainly didn't want to see your dreams of Riley."

"Could I do that?"

"Yes, with some work, training."

"Oh."

They were at the mansion now. It was still empty, she walked past it often enough to know. He pushed the door open, a hand at the small of her back letting her go in first.

"I remember our last day together here."

"Me, too."

"I came to, refreshed, stronger than ever and there you were not moving. I took too much."

"You did what I wanted you to do."

"You would have died for me."

"Gladly."

"That floors me, really. You're so much better than me. Soul, soulless, human. No contest."

"That's what love's about, isn't it? I jumped off that tower so that Dawn could have the chance for a life. I knew if I lived on and she died my life would continue on as normal. Death, slaying, death, heartbreak, turmoil, death."

He took her hand, not doing anything to stop her from talking but as soon as he touched her she stopped. He glanced at her, tugged her to him. "The life of a slayer."

"It's not fair."

"Life's not fair. It's not meant to be."

"I know. I finally figured that out."

He backed her against the door. "Let me have you, Buffy. Until I'm gone."

"I'm here with you, aren't I?"

His hand still holding hers he slid it over her abdomen and breasts to her neck. He grazed her pulse point with the pad of his thumb. "Yes. I need to know you want this as much as I do."

"Why not just take it? I know you're capable."

"There would be no fun in that. I couldn't beat you, and that was five years ago. You're bound to have improved since then. If you can't beat them, join them, right? While I'm not ready to go that far, I want you." As if to emphasize his point he released her hand suddenly, stepped away and without further ado unbuttoned his pants.

"Um, Angel."

He took hold of her hand and slid it into his pants. She groaned softly at the feel of him, hard and thick. For her. "Just shut up, Buffy."

"Hey." He cut her off with a kiss before she could say any more. She had no idea what all they'd done the day she was missing memories of. She did know that she'd never touched him like this their first night together. Angel had been gentle, considerate, but most of all once she'd crossed the line he took control and led.

He hissed against her lips as she cupped his sack, using both hands to push his pants lower along his hips so she could access him better. Now that she felt him, was touching him thoughts of this whole thing being idiotic flew out of her mind. She could have Angel, be with Angel, and come away with this remembering their last time together. That was worth something, wasn't it?

She slid her hands to his chest and laughed softly at the growl of protest he gave when she stopped stroking him. She pushed against him hard. She was not going to play the victim or the disinterested woman in this scenario. If she was doing this, it was going to be all out Slayer/Vampire sex. Give and take, violent and tender. Together they toppled to the floor. Buffy couldn't get his shirt off fast enough. He seemed to be of the same mind.

His bare chest was smooth. He was different than Spike, bulkier but muscular just the same. She kissed and bit a trail from his neck along his torso and abdomen. She paused at his pelvic bone, glancing up at him wanting to know if he was watching. He was and it thrilled her in ways she didn't understand. She worked his pants off the rest of the way.

"So this mating thing. I'm supposed to taste you, too?"

He looked startled, seemingly surprised she was making conversation at a time like this. Little did he know, she mused to herself with a chuckle.

"Right."

"Hmm, yet I was never given the option. So does that mean we're not truly mated?"

"One could probably argue for that, yes."

"Hmm," she said thoughtfully as she pulled her hair away from her face and sheathed his length with her mouth. He growled and cried out, which only drove her to repeat the process. Again and again and again her head bobbed up and down the length of him. To hear that she was driving him over the edge with just her mouth. She stroked his shaft with her hand, cupped his sack, ran fingers experimentally along his inner thighs. She enjoyed his reaction to each and every new touch she gave him. Soulless my ass.

She released him. For the first time that she could remember she knew what the power of sex was. She understood it. She'd never gotten to this point with Spike and certainly not Riley. She always held back with him, afraid she'd hurt him. Spike she didn't care if she hurt him. She wasn't sure which was worse. Despite this man laying here in front of her being evil and something she should be hunting she had brought him to the point of essentially being a quivering mess of raw desire and need.

She licked his inner thigh, then the other, repeating the licks before she kissed him on the pulse point there in his thigh. She knew about it only because she'd seen vampire bites there before. She remembered feeling sorry for the victims, to be taken in such a vulnerable position. She bit down hard, causing him to roar and jerk his body up to a reclining position. His hand went to her head and Buffy knew she was closer than she'd ever come to dying at that moment.

"Down boy," she murmured drawing away from his thigh. She licked her lips, not even noticing the taste of the blood. "Just completing the process."

His eyes shot up, in disbelief or question she wasn't sure. "Then by all means," he said simply.

"Mm." She lapped at the bite a couple more times before crawling to his waist and straddling him. "It'd probably work better with the fangs."

He pushed her hair away from her face as she reached to remove her shirt. She laughed as their arms met and collided. "I'm trying to get naked, do you mind?"

"Not at all."

She tossed her top aside, wiggled out of her pants before moving to his legs to pull his pants off the rest of the way. He was quick to shed his top while she was busy with that. "Anxious, are we?"

"You have no idea."

"Been a while, huh?" She straddled him, took him into her hand and guided him into her while she slid onto him.

"Nothing compares to the best."

"You flatter me. If I didn't know better I'd say you have your soul after all."

"Slayer?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up and fuck me, will you?"

"I thought you'd never ask," she said with a low laugh.

She rode him to the point of exhaustion. He was quick to roll them over so he was on top and renewed their frantic pace. He seemed to know just what to do. How deep to go, how hard to thrust, how much to pull out all around what her body craved him to do. He kept her riding high, higher still until she thought his taking her over the edge would make her fall from the drop. If she had any doubt before tonight that he was made for her, just for her, those were long forgotten. No one felt this way inside of her.

He seemed to sense she was close and he drew away from her slightly. She clutched his arms in protest of not being able to touch any part of him.

"Look at me, Buffy."

She opened her eyes, blinked once, twice and then focused on his face. The face of an angel. Her angel. How could she ever have forgotten this? Who would be so mean to give her the ability to feel like this, have someone complete her like this only to rip it away.

She didn't look away when he vamped out. He took hold of one of her arms, nipped at her wrist without piercing her skin. Her heartbeat kicked into a higher gear but she chalked that up more to arousal than fear. She brushed her hair away from her neck and tilted her head to the side. She knew what he wanted and however sick it might make her she wanted it too.

"Tell me you want it."

"You know I do." How could he even ask that? Wasn't it obvious? Or did he think she did this for anybody?

"Say it."

"Feed, Angelus, feed."

Her arms went around his neck as he lowered his upper body flush against hers once more. He nuzzled her neck, running the front of his fangs along her neck.

"Tell me when you're about to come."

That was all it took. She had been close for what seemed like an eternity. But his words, his absolutely primal tone, and his breath hot on her neck reminding her of what he was about to do sent her over. "Now," she cried out and he sunk his fangs into her neck. She held him to her as he took out of her as his lower body made a deposit.

He drank and drank, his lower body still driving into her. She began to feel weak, she remembered the feeling well from the last time. The world around her started to blur and then to fade. She was distantly aware of the fact he stopped feeding. His lower body continued pounding into her, though and she cried out. She wanted more and more and more. Her mind was foggy, he had taken too much but she was still conscious enough to feel his fingers ministrations to her nub taking her over the edge again. Her world faded to black after that.

Story ©Susan Falk/APCKRFAN/PhantomRoses.com